


maps (don’t love you like i love you)

by cori_the_bloody



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Rebecca/Valencia implied through a healthy dose of pining, Road Trips, Season/Series 03, takes place in the eight month time jump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:29:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22725445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cori_the_bloody/pseuds/cori_the_bloody
Summary: “Aw, come on, V,” Rebecca says. “It’s a road trip. You gotta embrace it.”“No,” Valencia says matter-of-factly. “I really don’t.”
Relationships: #gurlgroup4evah
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20
Collections: Crazy Ex Girlfriend Valentine Exchange 2020





	maps (don’t love you like i love you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cherrycheesecake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrycheesecake/gifts).



> I'd been meaning to write this story for, like, two years now. Thank you, cherrycheesecake, for giving me the excuse to finally get it done.
> 
> And thanks a million times over to Bethany, who read this over with less than a day's notice because she's a goddess and a true Gurl.

“Don’t make any plans for this Friday.”

Rebecca and Heather’s heads both turn toward the front door to find Valencia lugging her party-planning whiteboard and rolling backpack into the foyer.

“I liked it better when you pretended like this was our house first and your office second,” Rebecca says, resuming the construction of her second dinner.

Valencia makes a face at her. “Whatever, boundary issues.”

“Friday night,” Heather says without looking up from the magazine perched atop the gentle slope of her belly. “You mean the same day as that retirement party you’re planning?”

“Heather,” Valencia says, already whining despite the fact that Heather hasn’t begun to put up resistance in earnest.

“Don’t ‘ _Heather_ ’ me like you’re not about to ask a pregnant lady to give you unpaid labor.”

Valencia winces as she sets the board on their table. “I was thinking you could also donate Home Base.”

“Oh, my god.”

“Wait,” Rebecca says, carrying her plate into the living room and flopping down beside Heather. “I thought you’ve had the community center room on lock for, like, months.”

“Turns out that bitch of a community organizer can be bought.”

“I smell drama.” Heather closes the magazine and shifts on the couch to face the kitchen table, where Valencia is now seated. “Go on.”

Valencia grips the back of her chair, the animated sparkle in her eyes at odds with her stern frown. “Some idiot planning a birthday party for a dog paid twice the usual deposit to edge me out.”

Rebecca takes a bite of her corned beef sandwich. “Doggy birthday? That sounds adorable.”

Valencia narrows her eyes. “I think you mean tacky.”

“No,” Rebecca says around a mouthful, “I definitely meant adorable.”

Valencia continues to stare at her.

“Okay, but how did all this go down?” Heather asks.

After another moment of expectant glaring, Rebecca sticks her tongue out. Disgusted, Valencia willingly redirects her attention. “I got the call late this morning from Rick.”

“That’s the guy who works the front desk?” Heather checks. “The one you shamelessly flirt with in order to exploit his crush on you.”

“I do not!”

Rebecca raises her eyebrows, intrigued by the color pooling in Valencia’s cheeks.

“Oh, so I didn’t catch you using the ‘have you been working out’ line on him last week?”

“Valencia,” Rebecca chastises. “That’s so clichéd.”

“The best part is,” Heather says, picking a potato chip off Rebecca’s plate, “that it was over the phone.”

“Shut up!” Valencia says.

Rebecca ignores her. “Oh, my god, did it work?”

“Must have, if he’s the one who called her with the latest dish, right?”

Both of them turn to Valencia.

“He keeps me updated on noteworthy info because we were _friends_ in high school, and we both know the value ofnetworking.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ll bet you want to value his network,” Rebecca says.

Valencia cocks an unimpressed eyebrow. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Rebecca persists. “You want to teach him the value of a strong handshake. With your pussy.”

Valencia practically covers her ears. “Stop being disgusting.”

“I’m not,” Rebecca says, shaking her head. “You know my stance on this: every woman should be getting fingered often and to her liking. Not that I can relate right now. Because I’m definitely not getting fingered by anyone. Because, as you all know, I ended my relationship to work on myself. So, I guess you could say, I’m fingering me, but like—”

Heather leans over to clap a hand over Rebecca’s mouth.

“Thank you,” Valencia says to her.

“Uh-huh.”

“Prudes,” Rebecca mutters into Heather’s palm.

“So,” Valencia says, turning back toward the table and yanking her planner out of her overstuffed backpack. “I can count on Home Base this Friday, then?”

“Can’t your new business partner bestie find an emergency location this time?” Heather asks.

Valencia’s shoulders go a little rigid. “She’s not officially my business partner.”

“Whatever.”

“And she’s never going to be if I can’t prove that I can turn a profit. So Home Base?”

Heather sighs. “What time?”

“Six to eight.”

Rebecca tuts. “That’s prime sad, pre-weekend drinking time.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” Valencia says, turning back to face Heather. She clasps her hands together under her chin and pouts.

Heather shakes her head, but she’s smiling. “Fine. Whatever.”

Valencia pops out of her chair and swoops in to give Heather a peck on the cheek. “Thank you, chica.”

“I’m not doing any work, though. Strictly supervising.”

“Deal. Rebecca?”

“Huh?”

“Are you gonna help?”

“I—”

Valencia cuts her off to specify. “In a way that’s actually helpful. No bullying my clients.”

Rebecca huffs, but says, “Yeah, yeah. I’m in.”

“Great! See you both there at five sharp! We’ll have a lot of streamers to hang.”

Rebecca and Heather groan in tandem.

###

“We need more napkins.”

“Nothing!” Rebecca jumps, nearly knocking over her cup of water as she scrambles to hide the text message she’d been typing to Nathaniel from view. “What?”

Heather gives her a funny look.

“It’s a work thing! Important senior partner business that I—”

“Yeah, I don’t care,” Heather says, cutting her off. “We’re running low on ‘ _Enjoy Retirement_ ’ napkins, and my feet are so sore I’m seriously considering sawing them off right here. So you’re going to go to the back and find out where Valencia put the extras to keep me from turning this night into a _Hostel_ situation.”

“Okay, fine.” Rebecca tucks her phone into her bra and stands. “And maybe you should, like, go to your office or some other place where people aren’t.”

Heather flips her the bird.

The sounds from the party are muffled by the sizzling of the grill in the back as soon as Rebecca’s behind the bar, but she can still clearly make out the _thump_ of something hitting against the door to the storage room. Having been the one thrust up against that very door a time or two, she thinks she can see what’s going on.

“I know the promise that one day, you too can finally exit the workforce is enough to get one’s juices flowing, but is this really—” She freezes after wrenching open the door. “Valencia?”

“Hey, Rebecca,” Beth says, cheerful and blasé as ever—as if she doesn’t currently have her hand up Valencia’s shirt. “Everything okay?”

“Uh—” Rebecca blinks. And blinks again. “Napkins?”

Valencia reaches over, grabs a pack off one of the lower shelves, and then shoves it in Rebecca’s face. “Please go now.”

“Uh-huh,” Rebecca agrees, already backing away. “Gone.”

She doesn’t realize that she’s still holding the package of novelty napkins until she’s already in her car.

###

Rebecca: _We should have a #gurlgroup dinner tomorrow y/y?_

Heather: _If I agree, are you actually gonna show up this time?_

Valencia: _Why?_

Rebecca: _I told you guys, I had a very specific lawyer emergency_

Heather: _Right. Someone was in danger of paying too little rent for a big empty building, I’m sure._

Rebecca: _:P_

Valencia: _??_

Rebecca: _What, I need an excuse to hang out with my gurls?_

Valencia: _I just don’t have time for a round of oversharing over donuts right now._

Rebecca: _No, not Sugar Face. Let me take you guys out, like a real night out on the town with all my thousands of unethical lawyer dollars._

Heather: _I’ve always respected the value of big, empty buildings, you know._

Rebecca: _Yeah, yeah_

Heather: _What time?_

Rebecca: _Six-ish?_

Heather: _Cool. I’m in._

Paula: _Count me in!_

Valencia: _Fine_

Rebecca: _Great! I’ll drive._

Heather: _Hmm._

Rebecca: _And pay for parking._

Heather: _You’re a good friend._

Rebecca: _God, stop smothering me._

Heather: _:P_

###

It takes them twenty-two minutes to realize something’s amiss. Rebecca knows the exact figure because she keeps glancing at the clock every time there’s a lull in the chatter.

“Where exactly are you taking us?” Heather asks as Rebecca merges onto the I-10 going east.

“Oh, just this place I’ve been eyeing in San Bernardino.”

“Sure, but what’s the place?”

“It’s, uh, a, um—” Rebecca swallows hard and tries to wipe her sweaty palm discreetly on her thigh. “A Mongolian barbeque.”

“Okay, well, you’re obviously lying.”

“Shut up, Heather!” Rebecca says, hugging herself close to the steering wheel. She really should have bothered to come up with a cover story.

“Rebecca, what’s going on?” Paula asks, reaching across the center console to rub soothing circles between her shoulders. Rebecca twitches, though, and Paula pulls her arm away.

“Nothing. Nothing’s going on. Hey, who wants to sing along to some show tunes?” She turns the volume up on the radio.

“No.” Heather immediately leans forward into the front seat to turn it back down. “Nope. We wouldn’t be doing that even if you weren’t acting like someone put speed in your coffee.”

“Hey!” Rebecca swats her away. “Seatbelt! You’re pregnant.”

“Keep your eyes on the road,” Valencia says from the backseat, sounding like she’s talking through clenched teeth.

“And tell us where we’re going,” Heather adds.

“It’s none of your concern,” Rebecca says.

“Like hell it isn’t,” Valencia says.

At the same time, Paula says, “I mean, it specifically does concern us.”

Rebecca speeds up to merge left and then promptly has to slam on the brakes to avoid smashing into the car in front of her. She hears Heather grunt and then the clicking of a seatbelt locking back into place.

“Guys, I promise, it’ll be more fun if you don’t know. Just trust me.”

“That’d be easier to do if you told us where we were going,” Paula says.

“And, you know, if you didn’t have a history of being so, like, yourself all the time,” Heather says.

“Look,” Rebecca says, keeping her eyes glued to the bumper of the car inching forward ahead of her. “I just thought we could use a proper adventure. We can bond and laugh and enjoy each other’s company.”

“And the reason you’ve decided we can’t just do that over dinner…?” Heather prompts.

Rebecca feels her stomach flip over itself as the memory of Valencia full-on making out with Beth flashes in her mind. “We have a lot to talk about.”

When her eyes flit up to the rearview mirror, she finds Valencia staring intently at the back of her head, like she’s trying to set her hair on fire with willpower alone. Rebecca gulps.

And since she’s watching, she can see Valencia’s next sentence actually is said through clenched teeth.

“I knew you were going to be weird about this.”

Heather and Paula both perk up.

“Weird about what, exactly?” Paula asks.

“Valencia?” Rebecca asks. “You ready to talk about it?”

Valencia blinks, deliberately not looking at either Paula or Heather, who are both staring intently at her.

“So!” she says after a prolonged moment. “A mystery road trip, huh? Sounds like just what we need.”

Rebecca grins. “Two against one. Paula, you’re the tie breaker.”

Heather kicks the back of Rebecca’s seat. “As if you’d actually turn around if Paula said she didn’t want to do this.”

“Well, of course not. We’d have to find a way to break the tie.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh, what the hell,” Paula says. “You know I’m here for any time spent away from my family.”

“That’s my girl.”

###

“Come on, Rebecca!”

“Why should I?”

“Because I’m pregnant and I’ll kill you if you don’t.”

“Can’t you hold it?”

Heather makes a noise that lands somewhere between a grunt and a scream. “Paula!”

Paula _hmm_ s sympathetically. “That’s really not how it works.”

Rebecca makes her own strangled noise of frustration. “We’re still too close to home. What would stop you from calling an Uber and ruining everything?”

“So your solution to my having free will is to let me wet myself in your backseat?”

“Speaking as the other person in the backseat,” Valencia says, “can I veto that?”

Rebecca hesitates, still torn.

“If you drive past that exit I will murder you in your sleep,” Heather says after a moment.

“You promise not to run away from this experience?” Rebecca checks.

“As if you’ve really given me the option. I am completely at your mercy, you unchecked weirdo. Just like you like me.”

Valencia snorts.

“Good,” Rebecca says, and then merges over onto the exit ramp.

Heather’s relief is palpable, but even still, she adds a totally unnecessary “Thank fucking god,” when Rebecca parks the car at the gas station off the exit.

“Snacks?” Rebecca asks the other two after Heather slams the door closed behind her.

“Snacks,” Paula agrees.

Valencia waves away the offer, not even glancing up from her cell when Rebecca turns around to look at the backseat. Convinced it’s pointed even though Valencia’s pretty much always glued to her phone, Rebecca feels her stomach squirm through a miserable little flip.

“So,” Paula says as she holds open the door to the gas station’s convenience store for Rebecca. “What’s this about, exactly?”

Rebecca opens her mouth to answer but is distracted by the sound of a car door banging closed.

“Decided I’d look after all,” Valencia says, arching an eyebrow at Rebecca.

“Good,” Rebecca says, stepping inside.

“Great,” Valencia replies.

Paula raises her eyebrows in question, but Rebecca pretends not to notice, instead darting down the aisle full of candies and mints. Before Paula can follow behind, she busies herself looking engrossed in the copy on the front of a bag of gummy worms.

“I don’t know what you think you’re going to accomplish with this little stunt,” Valencia says, her voice right in Rebecca’s ear as she leans in to slide a bag of peppermints off a rack. “But I’m watching you.”

Rebecca turns, bringing them nose-to-nose. “That’s what you have to say to me?”

Valencia’s eyes narrow to slits. “What exactly do you want me to say?”

Rebecca sighs and, after a moment, reaches up to cup one of Valencia’s cheeks in her palm. She flinches before Rebecca actually makes contact, though.

Frowning, Rebecca lets her arm fall back to her side.

“I swear, my bladder is like the size of a peanut now that—” Heather’s voice breaks off as she rounds the corner. “Whoa.”

“We’re getting snacks,” Valencia says, too chipper, as she takes a step away. “On Rebecca.”

After swallowing thickly, Rebecca nods. “That’s right. Pick anything you want.”

Though she still looks keen to comment on the tension she’d walked into, Heather nods. “I guess my cooperation can be bought with sugar.”

Valencia grunts. “Just one more thing the three of you have in common.”

Heather tilts her head at the comment, and Rebecca’s about to ask what she’s talking about when Paula yells from across the little store.

“Rebecca! They have Orange Crème on their slushy machine!”

She hesitates for a moment, torn, but then bows. “Ladies, if you’ll excuse me.”

“Whatever,” Valencia says.

Rebecca hears Heather asking, “Hey dude, are you, like, feeling alright?” as she walks away to meet Paula.

“How far away is our mystery destination?” Paula asks as soon as Rebecca’s in sight, drawing her attention away from the others.

She pulls out her phone to check the GPS. “Just under seven hours.”

Paula fumbles with her slushy. “Cookie, we should have left earlier!”

A voice in the back of her head is already scolding her for being unreasonable, for taking all her anxiety with whatever’s going on with Valencia and shoving it in Paula’s direction, but she still can’t help her outburst. “Well, we didn’t, okay? So we’ll get there when we get there, and everyone can stop whining about it!”

Before Paula can move on from blinking at her in surprise to getting (justifiably) defensive, Rebecca turns and stomps out of the building.

###

They manage maybe five minutes in total silence, at which point Heather tosses a bag of the gummy worms Rebecca had been eyeing up onto the dashboard.

“Holy shit!” Rebecca jumps, swerving a little into another lane and eliciting an angry honk or three.

“You’re welcome,” Heather says.

“You could have killed us,” Rebecca points out.

“Well, I didn’t,” Heather says. After a beat, she adds, “And since I ended up buying you candy for kidnapping me instead of the other way around, you really shouldn’t be too picky.”

“Not like I forced your hand.” When the sound of three sharp intakes of breath fill the car, Rebecca hastens to add, “With the candy! I didn’t force you to buy me candy.”

“Yeah, well, we all know what you’re like if you go too long without sugar,” Valencia says.

Rebecca chances a glance into the backseat. “You were in on it?”

“Eyes on the road!” Valencia’s voice is brittle, but Rebecca thinks she notices a bit of color rising in her cheeks.

She turns to face front again, a hopeful smile playing on her lips.

“You guys are being so weird,” Heather says under her breath.

“Name one time Rebecca’s been normal with anyone,” Valencia says back.

“You guys know I can hear both of you, right?”

“Right,” Heather says.

At the same time, Valencia says, “So?”

Smile fully in place, Rebecca snatches the bag of gummies off the dash. She tries to open it by squashing it against the steering wheel for leverage but ends up honking the horn accidentally. So then she attempts to rip it open with her teeth, but the plastic is too thick to allow for much headway.

“You could just ask for my help, you know,” Paula says.

Rebecca’s eyes shift sheepishly over to the passenger seat.

Paula shakes her head and snatches the bag out of Rebecca’s hand. “Kids.”

“Thanks, Mama,” Rebecca says when Paula hands it back, opened.

They drive along for a peaceful moment, hitting a steady pace now that they’ve cleared most of the evening traffic on the 15.

“So,” Heather says, breaking the silence, “our destination is seven hours away.”

“That’s right,” Rebecca says.

“So this is an overnight trip.”

“Yes.”

“Did you even find a place for us to stay?” Valencia asks, sounding like she has a guess as to the answer.

“Is there a way to answer that question that won’t make you angry?” Rebecca asks.

Everyone in the car takes a moment to think about it.

“No,” Valencia says eventually.

“I thought so.”

“But, to be fair,” Paula interjects, “we’re already irritated by the heretofore displayed premeditation, so either we’ll stay the same amount of angry or it’ll get worse. Meaning, there’s still a preferable answer.”

Rebecca glances over at her for just a moment, quirking an eyebrow. “Work that lawyer voice, girl.”

“Okay,” Heather says, “stop deflecting. Did you or did you not find a place for us to stay?”

“I have some arrangements in the works.”

Paula sighs.

Heather, apparently, isn’t experiencing the same relief. Rebecca feels her fingers digging into the shoulders of her seat and hears the edge of desperation in her voice. “But, like, what does that mean.”

“Are you buckled?” Rebecca asks. “Cause it seems to me there’s pretty much no way you’re buckled.”

“Deflecting,” Valencia says in a detached voice.

“If I told you what our sleeping arrangements are, I’d be giving everything away!” Rebecca says, a whine creeping into her voice. “So can you guys please just stop fighting this experience by asking so many questions? Just shut up and enjoy the company!”

Paula reaches over and puts a hand on Rebecca’s shoulder, who turns away from the road to look at her with trepidation. “We need this trip to reconnect more than you thought if you think there’s a chance of us going along without at least a little complaining.”

“Yeah,” Heather says, and Rebecca can hear the reluctant grin in her voice. “It’s like, do you even know us at all?”

Valencia tuts from the backseat.

Rebecca laughs, just a bit deprecatingly, and then grabs another gummy worm.

###

Rebecca’s leaning against the car and staring absently into the gathering darkness as her tank fills when the back door suddenly flies open. She barely makes it into the first couple words of a question about additional snacks when the other two doors bang open, too.

“Um,” Rebecca says, “what?”

But none of them answer her. They just dash around the car—Valencia slipping past her without making eye contact—and then slam all the doors shut again.

Dazed, Rebecca hangs the gas nozzle back on its hook and then gets into the driver’s seat. “Whatcha guys doing?”

“Getting more comfortable,” Heather says, who’s now sitting in the passenger seat. “How much time do we have left?”

Rebecca glances in the back to see Paula where Valencia had been sitting, leaning back with her eyes closed and her feet propped up on the glove compartment.

“Uh, about three and a half hours.”

Heather groans.

“We should get dinner soon,” Paula says as Rebecca turns the car back on and shifts into gear.

“And by that she means you should buy us dinner like you said you would,” Heather says.

“Nothing too greasy,” Valencia says from behind Rebecca.

“Aw, come on, V,” Rebecca says, pulling out of the lot and merging back onto the highway. “It’s a road trip. You gotta embrace it.”

“No,” Valencia says matter-of-factly. “I really don’t.”

Except nearly an hour passes of Heather and Rebecca reading off the restaurants at each upcoming exit and Valencia turning down all of them.

“Come on,” Heather says, wrenching around in her seat so she can unleash her pout on Valencia. “I need to eat something to help foster the life growing inside me.”

“Eww,” Valencia says pointedly.

“Please, Valencia, just let us go to a McDonalds or something. You can order a side salad,” Rebecca pleads.

“And eat wilted lettuce that still tastes like grease? No, thank you.”

“Alright, let’s make this easy,” Paula says, the tone of her voice clearly conveying how tiresome she’s finding them all. “I’ll tell you disgusting facts about pregnancy until fast food seems appetizing in comparison.”

“Yeah, and no one wants that,” Heather says.

Valencia scoffs.

Paula shrugs. “Okay, if that’s the way you want it. When I was pregnant with Tommy, I got heartburn so bad, I woke up with scratch marks on my chest because I took drastic measures trying to make it stop while asleep.”

“Doesn’t bother me,” Valencia says.

Heather sits straight in her seat and slaps her hand over her heart.

“Hang in there,” Rebecca says.

“I craved mashed potatoes covered in chocolate syrup for a full week.”

Valencia can’t seem to help herself commenting, “Nasty.”

“I don’t know,” Rebecca says, mostly to herself. “That sounds kind of good.”

Heather shakes her head. “Please don’t talk.”

“That’s not the nastiest thing by far,” Paula’s saying in the back. “Wait until I tell you about all the different colors my poop was while I was pregnant. In detail.”

“Fine!” Valencia snaps. “Take me to McDonalds, watch me balloon up, and see if I care!”

Silence pervades the car following her outburst.

“I kinda wanna hear about this rainbow poop now, though,” Rebecca says after a moment.

“No big deal,” Heather says, “but I’m two seconds away from flinging myself out of the vehicle.”

“I’ll tell you later,” Paula promises, leaning forward to squeeze Heather’s shoulders comfortingly.

Rebecca nods, merging over so she’s ready to exit at the first sign of fast food. “Deal.”

###

“Stop following me,” Valencia says without turning around.

Rebecca shakes her head, pushing through the bathroom door right behind her. “No.”

“Seriously, the charm of going to the bathroom with you has worn off.” Valencia stops in front of the mirror and fusses over her hair. “Way off.”

“I want to make sure you’re not about to…you know.” Rebecca mimes vomiting.

“Oh, my god!” Valencia turns from the mirror to glare at her.

“You threw such a fit about coming here, and body dysmorphia can lie in wait to attack at any time, and I love you, and I don’t want—”

“My life is not your responsibility, Rebecca!”

Rebecca snaps her mouth shut, and the two women stare at each other for a moment.

Finally, Rebecca says, “But you’re one of my gurls.”

Valencia rolls her eyes and turns away again.

“Or is that not true anymore?” Rebecca asks, her voice cracking over the question. “Because gurls are supposed to talk to each other about what’s happening in each other’s lives.”

Valencia’s shoulders sag. “We’re friends, Rebecca, not life partners.”

“Those things overlap a lot, though. Or at least they should.”

“Fine,” Valencia says, plucking a lip gloss out of her purse and still not looking at Rebecca. “Then give me a minute to find out how much overlap I want.”

Rebecca nods, watching her steady hands as she dabs on the gloss. “Like, the minute you’re going to take to use the bathroom?”

Valencia lets out a ragged sigh. “Stop trying to rush me, Bunch.”

“Sorry.” She nods some more, and then adds, “Okay.”

“Okay.” A beat. “So you can leave now.”

“Actually, no,” Rebecca says, shuffling over to the handicap stall. “I also really have to use the bathroom.”

Valencia’s resounding laugh is reluctant, but there’s a trace of warmth that Rebecca feels in the center of her chest.

###

“Did you want someone else to drive for a bit?” Paula asks as they walk back out into the parking lot.

“And relinquish any control over the situation?” Valencia says before Rebecca can answer. “Of course not.”

“That’s not fair,” Rebecca says.

“Are you going to let her drive?” Heather asks.

Rebecca hesitates.

“Uh-huh,” Heather says, slipping in front of the group and claiming the passenger seat once again.

“I hate you guys,” Rebecca says to all of them as she slides into the driver’s seat.

“Great!” Valencia says. “Take us home.”

“You really want to turn around now that we’re so deep into it?” Paula asks, and Rebecca turns around to raise an eyebrow at Valencia, very interested in her answer.

She snaps her seatbelt into place and then crosses her arms over her chest. “Whatever. Let’s get this stupid thing over with.”

“That’s the spirit!” Rebecca says, starting the car.

###

“Are we there yet?” Heather asks, stirring in the passenger seat.

Rebecca glances over at her before looking into the backseat. Valencia is asleep on Paula’s shoulder. With a smile on her face, she checks her GPS and then whispers, “Less than an hour.”

“Thank god,” Heather says. “My butt is sore from all this sitting.”

“Mine, too.”

“Good.”

Rebecca gasps. “Hey!”

“You deserve a little discomfort for this whole ridiculous mission,” Heather maintains.

“It’s not ridiculous,” Rebecca says, her eyes shifting to the backseat once again.

Heather hums noncommittally, and Rebecca can feel her eyes on her face.

“I’m not going to tell you what happened,” Rebecca says after a moment. “It’s not really my thing to tell.”

“I wasn’t asking you to.”

“Yeah, but I can feel you judging me.”

“So?”

“So, if you did know what happened, you probably wouldn’t be.”

Heather makes a skeptical, high-pitched noise. “I don’t think that’s true.”

“Fine,” Rebecca says. “You’d be judging me less.”

“Also debatable.”

They ride in silence for a few minutes, Rebecca turning over her bathroom conversation with Valencia in her mind.

She takes in a deep breath before asking, “You still love me even though I’m pushy, right?”

Heather sighs, and Rebecca can’t decide if it’s more amused or tired. “Are you asking me if I see the real you and love you anyway?”

Rebecca snorts. “I guess so.”

“You know,” Heather starts to say, and Rebecca’s heart sinks into her stomach. “Without all your abrasive pushing, none of us would really be in each other’s lives. So, even though you make it kind of hard sometimes, it’s stupid to look at you as anything other than one of the best friends I’ve ever had.”

The road blurs behind Rebecca’s gathering tears. “Aw, Heather, I—”

“That being said,” Heather says, cutting her off. “It wouldn’t, like, kill you to respect healthy boundaries.”

“Noted.”

“It would lend a lot more weight to all your lectures on consent.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“I know it is.”

“You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had, too.”

“I know I am.”

Rebecca’s responding crinkle-eyed grin forces some of the tears to slip down her cheeks.

###

Heather has fallen back asleep by the time Rebecca pulls onto the road leading up to Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona, so she tries to keep the car as steady as possible while navigating to the campgrounds.

By the time she’s left the fee at the visitor’s center and parked the car, the girls are all still dozing. She lingers, watching each of them for a moment, before silently stepping out from the car and stretching.

Then, after another moment’s hesitation, she makes her way toward the edge of the Canyon, using her phone’s flashlight to read the signs.

Having chosen the destination almost at random, Rebecca’s not expecting the swell of unnamable emotion that washes over her once she finds her way to a clear view of the natural wonder. The black and reddish-grey depths of the cavern seem to go on endlessly, and a sensation almost like being in freefall overwhelms her.

She sits down hard on the cool ground.

After a few minutes pass, she checks her phone, finally closing the GPS app and noticing that Nathaniel’s sent her a couple texts about needing her for “weekend work”. Her thumbs hover over the keyboard for a second, but then she drops her phone back into her lap, the texts unanswered.

She’s not sure how long she sits there, thinking about the nature of change and how easy it would be to let forces beyond your control carve something terrifying into the surface of your life.

As it is, she often feels like a deadly cavern her friends fall into time and time again.

With a thick swallow, she picks her phone back up and turns it off.

###

Making her way back to the car is tricky, but Rebecca refuses to walk back the symbolism of her moment on the Canyon’s edge by turning her phone on just for the flashlight. Besides, her eyes have kind of adjusted to the dark.

She doesn’t even have too much trouble, and the others are still sleeping when she gets back, anyway.

In the end, it’s her slamming the trunk closed that wakes them.

“Where are we?” Paula, the first one out of the car, asks.

“The Grand Canyon!” Rebecca says grandly.

Valencia leans out of the backseat. “Wait, for real?”

“For real, for real,” Rebecca says. Then, “Do any of you know how to pitch a tent?”

Valencia looks almost startled. “I’ve always wanted to see the Grand Canyon, but I’ve barely ever made it out of West Covina.”

“Instead of flying like sensible people, my parents rented an RV for our move to Arizona to see all the major landmarks, so.” Heather shrugs, and then closes her car door. “Old hat, dude.”

“Wouldn’t you have been a baby for that trip?” Paula asks.

“Yeah,” Heather says. “I have, like, a really good memory.”

Everyone sits with that for a second.

“So, you said something about pitching a tent?” Valencia breaks the silence. “Heather?”

“I mean, I’m used to doing it before the sun goes down, but yeah. I’m your girl.”

“Great,” Rebecca says, hefting the box up onto the closed trunk. “You’re on.”

“Okay, but like, after I find a place to pee,” Heather says, grabbing Paula’s wrist and waddling off to find a bathroom.

###

After nearly an hour and two complaints from their fellow, sleeping campers, their tent stands situated among the pine trees.

“Am I good or am I good?” Heather asks, standing back.

“All our neighbors hate us now, so I’m not sure how much gloating you should be doing,” Rebecca says, patting Heather on the back.

“You would have set the whole forest on fire if left to your own devices,” Heather says with certainty.

Rebecca nods. “You’re probably right.”

“Valencia, wait up!” Paula shouts then, drawing their attention.

“But I wanna see it,” Valencia says, bouncing on the balls of her feet and way too energetic for four-thirty in the morning.

“Okay dude, but do you know nothing about the value of the buddy system? It’s crucial to safe camping,” Heather says.

“Oops,” Rebecca says, mostly to herself, and then jogs to catch up with the other three. “It’s this way!”

During the short walk to the canyon proper, Heather keeps up a steady stream of commentary, a list of camping best practices. Meanwhile, Valencia makes a few pointed comments about how good it is to be out of the car, using cartwheels to emphasize her point.

Everyone falls silent when they step out of the forest, though.

“Almost makes me wanna be the kinda gal who’s outdoorsy,” Paula says after the reverent moment passes. “Almost.”

“Don’t worry,” Heather says to her. “Most things that qualify you as an outdoorsy person aren’t nearly as cool as this.”

“And that’s coming from a self-professed outdoorsman,” Rebecca says. “Or is it outdoorswoman?”

“I don’t think we need to gender it,” Heather says after a thoughtful pause.

“Nice.”

“So, not that I’m complaining about it at this point,” Paula says, “but I’m still pretty curious about what happened between you two that sent Rebecca hauling us off to the Grand fucking Canyon.”

Rebecca glances over to see Paula nudging Valencia in the side with her elbow and Valencia’s cheeks darkening.

“She, uh, turned down my request to sign us up for couples’ yoga,” Rebecca says, jumping over whatever Valencia’s response was going to be. “Again.”

“Okay,” Heather says. “You’re obviously lying. Again.”

“Go with it this time,” Rebecca says.

“Yeah,” Heather agrees.

Valencia catches her eye, giving her a tentative smile. Rebecca holds out her hand in front of Heather and, after the slightest hesitation, Valencia takes it.

###

They stay in the spot they’ve staked out to watch the sunrise, deciding at the last minute to get a group selfie before they return to their tent.

Rebecca hears Heather say after she’s dived inside, “Might as well take a nap, I guess. Otherwise what did I put this thing up for?”

The others crawl inside after her and collapse on the pile of sleeping bags Rebecca had bought just for the occasion.

There’s a lot of rustling—Rebecca accidentally elbows Paula in the face once—as they fight the cramped space to get settled. After the hubbub, the silence that follows is almost eerie.

“Beth and I are having sex!” Valencia blurts, just as Rebecca’s on the edge of falling asleep.

“I did not see that coming,” Heather says. “But damn, girl, good for you.”

“I don’t even really know how it happened,” Valencia says.

“You woke up one morning and decided you really wanted to know how pussy tastes?” Heather guesses around a yawn.

Valencia whines. “Eww!”

“Eww?” Paula repeats. “Are you sure you’re dating a girl?”

“No!” Valencia says. Then, far less panicked, “I’m not sure of anything. We haven’t really talked about what it is we’re doing yet.”

“You’re just doing her in clandestine locations?” Rebecca asks.

“Kinda, yeah.”

“I get that,” Rebecca says, under her breath. Thankfully, no one questions her on that.

“Ooh.” Heather draws out the sound of realization. “Rebecca walked in on you guys. I get it; this whole thing makes sense now.”

“It does?” Rebecca asks, feeling her stomach clench meaningfully.

“Can you explain it to me?” Valencia asks, voice flat and sardonic.

“Nope,” Heather says. “Either you two will get there or you won’t, but I am _not_ touching that with a ten-foot pole.”

“So, Miss Eww,” Paula says. “Is the sex any good?”

Rebecca props herself up on her elbow so she can see Valencia’s flustered expression.

“It’s the best I’ve ever had,” she says after a fractional hesitation.

Paula whoops. “Get it, girl.”

“Does this mean you’re—” Rebecca breaks off at Valencia’s narrow-eyed scowl.

“I don’t know what it means,” she says.

“That’s perfectly normal,” Heather says.

They lapse into silence, and Rebecca lies back down.

“Is this a weird time to tell you that I love you guys?” Valencia asks.

Paula scoffs. “Why would that be weird?”

“Because I’m…” Valencia trails off. “I don’t know.”

“I’m offended you’d even feel the need to ask that,” Rebecca says.

“Says the girl who straight-up panicked upon finding out,” Heather says.

“Thank you,” Valencia agrees.

“Yeah, but not because of _that_ ,” Rebecca says, voice traveling thickly through the lump in her throat.

“Yeah,” Heather says.

At the same time, Valencia says, “Okay,” a little uncertainly.

“Hey,” Paula says then, “you guys.”

“Yeah?” Rebecca asks.

“I love you.”

Rebecca cuddles into Paula’s side. “We love you, too.”

“Forevah,” Valencia says, and Rebecca can hear the smile in her voice.

###

It’s nearly eleven in the morning before any of them actually fall asleep, and it’s after five in the evening before any of them wake up, sweaty in the trapped heat of the tent.

They take turns showering at the park’s facilities, and Rebecca buys them all outfits from one of the novelty shops because she hadn’t bothered to pack any of them a change of clothes.

By the time Rebecca’s had her turn in the far-too-buggy hut the park calls a shower and returns to the tent, Paula and Heather have taken her car to go off in search of dinner.

Valencia is nowhere in sight.

It doesn’t take much searching to find her back at the edge of the Grand Canyon, though.

“Look at you,” Rebecca says as she approaches. “Damning the buddy system.”

“I know how to take care of myself,” Valencia says.

“You’ve more than proven that,” Rebecca says a bit sullenly.

Valencia glances over at her, brow furrowed. “It can be an overrated skill.”

Rebecca laughs, caught off guard at how easily Valencia had followed her train of thought. “Well, good thing you found someone to help take care of you, then.”

“I don’t know if Beth is that,” Valencia says after a beat.

“Will you tell me when you figure it out?”

“Why?”

The hostility contained in the question makes Rebecca snort. “Because we’re friends, you doofus, and friends share their lives. Especially the big, scary stuff like you’re going through.”

Valencia grunts, seemingly unimpressed, but then a moment later, she jerks into Rebecca’s personal space to give her a kiss on the cheek.

Rebecca automatically reaches up to cradle the sensation against her skin. “What was that for?”

Valencia shrugs. “Felt like it.”

“Cool.”

“You’re so weird,” Valencia says, shaking her head.

Rebecca grins, dropping her hand to her side. “I know.”

“I, you know…” Valencia looks uncomfortable for a second, but then relaxes her shoulders: the very picture of determination. “I love you.”

Rebecca’s stomach flip-flops. “Thank you.”

Valencia laughs like she understands exactly what Rebecca means, even though she definitely doesn’t. “You’re welcome.”

###

Paula and Heather beat them back to the camp. In fact, by the time Valencia and Rebecca return, they’ve started a fire and begun the roasting of tofu kebabs.

“I have a shift at the El Segundo Home Base tomorrow,” Heather says mournfully, passing Valencia a skewer as she folds herself down next to her.

“Call off,” Paula suggests.

“Either that or we drive back tonight,” Rebecca says. “And I know how all of you feel about overnight drives.”

“You know how we feel about you kidnapping us,” Paula corrects her.

“That my super-duper plans make everything worth it?”

“I hate it when she’s right,” Heather says, shaking her head.

“I know,” Valencia agrees.

“She’s so cute when she gloats, though,” Paula says, reaching over to pinch Rebecca’s cheek.

Rebecca swats her away, but she’s giggling.

They lose the thread of the conversation to what tofu looks like when it’s cooked and the dismal plus-sized selections of the park gift store and other chatter, meaningful for how comfortably unimportant it all is.

After they’ve eaten, though, Valencia’s the one who picks it back up. “So we’re staying another day?”

“Might as well,” Heather says. “We haven’t even finished bonding yet.”

“I don’t know,” Paula says. “I feel pretty close to you guys right now.”

Rebecca agrees silently, leaning over and resting her head on Paula’s shoulder.

“You know what the ultimate bonding experience would be, though?” Valencia asks.

Heather raises her eyebrows, intrigued. “What?”

“Scheduling a hike,” Valencia says, looking on the verge of doing jazz hands. “I hear the trails out here are legendary.”

“That would be your idea of ultimate bondage,” Rebecca says around a yawn.

“That is _not_ what I said.”

“What the hell,” Paula says. “Make my transition into an outdoorswoman complete.”

“None of us are wearing the proper shoes,” Heather says.

“That’s part of the adventure,” Valencia says, waving away the complaint and then looking hopefully over to Rebecca.

Rebecca’s heart jumps, and she hides the spike of excitement with a frown. “It’s rude of you to use my own words against me to get me to agree to something I don’t want to do.”

Valencia grins. “So it’s working?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

“Nope. I know you too well.”

Rebecca raises up a bottle of water to the starry night sky. “Amen to that, sister.”

Her gurls all follow suit.


End file.
